The evening arrived at the group's camp, casting long shadows around their makeshift residence. Everyone stayed silent, arranging their things inside the lodge entrance.
Tension lingered in the air as they all went back outside, gathering around a fireplace, and Kochi was attempting to set fire to it.
Taiga sat down on the log next to Juri, arms crossed in front of himself and not saying a word as he kept following Kochi's fire-making. Jesse went to get some more firewood while Shintaro vanished into the warehouse, coming with a couple of cans of beans in his hands.
As Shintaro began prying open the can with a hunting knife, the lid vehemently resisted, and he let out a few cursing words. Hokuto knelt beside him, ready to lend a hand, but Shintaro forcefully thrust the can back, muttering that he didn't need Hokuto to come and mess things up.
Hokuto rolled his eyes.
"Just trying to help, man. No need to be so damn touchy about it."
"Shintaro, stop. You will ruin the good knife with that," Kochi suddenly shouted over the fireplace. He had been following the scene and clearly wasn't satisfied with Shintaro's attempts to open the can, making the knife dull with his actions.
Shintaro shot Kochi a look. "How about you concentrate on making the fire there? I'm the only one making any effort to feed us all here."
Finally, Shintaro managed to open the lid, and some of the liquid from the can spurted into his hand. He couldn't help but let his frustration show as he wiped it clean on the hem fabric of his shirt.
"I'm just saying that we can't afford these mistakes, guys," Shintaro started tightly as he aggressively scooped the beans into a bowl. "We need every bullet and every bit of food we can find if we want to make it through this winter."
Although he knew his words might appear preachy, he couldn't help the disappointment that had stayed over the scant number of bullets they had accidentally dropped while evading a group of clickers. Running out of ammunition during the hunt also meant returning to their base empty-handed, with only a bean supper awaiting them. Which wasn't something that any of them were really looking forward to.
Kochi's patience clearly wore thin. After blowing air into the fire, coaxing the flame to grow stronger, his usually calm voice showed a rare hint of irritation. "We are well aware of that, Shintaro. There's no need to remind us constantly."
Jesse tried to lighten the tense mood as he piled some firewood into the fire that was now flickering.
"Hey, tomorrow is a fresh start," he said. "We'll learn from today's mistakes and be better prepared."
Shintaro couldn't resist uttering an annoyed scoff.
"Sure, better prepared, having all the slow ones holding us back," he muttered, more to himself than really directing it to anyone specifically.
But it still managed to make Taiga snap his head up. He shot a glance at Shintaro's direction and squinted his eyes.
"Is that amusing to you, Shintaro? To be so mean?"
"I didn't say any names," Shintaro retorted, his eyes narrowing as he met Taiga's gaze. "But maybe there's a hint of truth behind it if it annoys you so much. Your choice."
Taiga rolled his eyes. "Oh, forgive me if I'm not thrilled by your constant preach on our survival tactics."
"Well, maybe if you moved a bit faster, we wouldn't have to adjust our pace for you, and I wouldn't need to remind you all about such basic things."
Taiga scoffed sarcastically.
"Funny, Shintaro. Real funny coming from someone who talks big but can't back it up."
"You think you're so essential to this group then, huh?" Shintaro's eyes flashed with annoyance, and Taiga's jaw clenched at that. "Maybe it's time we shed some dead weight."
"The only dead weight here is your ego," Taiga shot back. "You're not as indispensable as you think. No one is just saying that aloud because everyone fears you are snapping at us at any time. Just like you're doing right now."
"Taiga, Shintaro, would you two please stop with that?" Jesse interrupted them. He wasn't typically the one with low patience, but now his positive attitude seemed replaced by frustration. It sounded like he was totally done listening to that pointless argument going on around him.
"For the love of sanity, we're all in this together," Jesse continued, his tone stern. "Arguing won't get us anywhere. Shintaro, just focus on making that food and stop with that tantrum. Taiga, let's not make this any worse."
Taiga shot a resentful look at Shintaro, who merely rolled his eyes at him.
The campfire crackled as an uneasy silence settled over them.
"Maybe we should all try hunting solo, and we'll see how long each one of us lasts without getting bitten," Taiga muttered. He stood up and kicked a stone out of his way.
Hearing that, Jesse shook his head as if indicating he was really done with Taiga and Shintaro arguing like that with each other. But it was also apparent he didn't want to get involved anymore.
But of course, Shintaro couldn't leave it just like that.
"You'd enjoy seeing that, wouldn't you?" Shintaro asked, meeting Taiga's gaze without flinching. "Always claiming to be a lone wolf, as if you don't need anyone else. Which is funny because I always thought lone wolves were always the strongest ones, not the ones dragging the rest down."
"Maybe it's not about not needing anyone," Taiga said. "Maybe it's just that I don't need you guys."
Shintaro's eyes narrowed, a mocking smile playing on his lips.
"I'd like to see that, you being without us. And then I'd congratulate you on getting bitten or killed. Maybe that's what you're really after."
"Maybe I am. At least then, I wouldn't have to deal with that arrogance of yours. I wouldn't have to keep seeing your face."
"You know what?" Shintaro said. "If you really want to be a reckless solo act so bad, be my guest. I couldn't care less what happened to you, even if you died or got infected. I wouldn't waste my time worrying about your sorry fate even a second."
A flash of hurt could be seen on Taiga's face. Yet, his cold tone remained as he continued speaking.
"Interesting words coming from you. I mean, considering your personality like that, who would you even care for?"
This time, Juri stepped forward to ease the tension.
"Hey, let's take a breath for a moment," he said. "We're all feeling the stress, but fighting amongst ourselves won't solve anything. We must stick together. It's far too dangerous out there to be divided."
"Dangerous?" Taiga sneered at Juri. "You think I don't know that? I've been living in this hellish world as long as you have. But you act like I'd be stupid and someone who doesn't understand anything. Sorry to say this, but being with you guys... it's starting to feel like being trapped. It's suffocating."
Kochi's eyes glinted with sudden hurt and anger as he raised his head after hearing Taiga's words.
"Oh, so you really think we're holding you back? After all what we've done for you?"
"Taiga didn't mean it like that," Jesse tried to soften the situation.
"How do you know what I meant or not?" Taiga asked Jesse tightly.
"I was just trying to side you a little bit."
"So, we pick sides now? Inside the group?" Juri suddenly shot a sarcastic exclaim in Jesse's direction. He rolled his eyes, clearly indicating his opinion about all that. "Nice rule Jesse. Thanks for telling me all that now. What are you trying to be here, some kind of a leader, huh?"
"Look, can we please stop this already?" Shintaro said in frustration and put his fingers against his temples.
The group remained still, the absence of words saying more than anything spoken could.
"I thought we were a team," Jesse said quietly, his voice trembling as he tried to hold back, and for some reason, it would have felt better if he had just shouted or sounded angrier or anything. Jesse sounding so quiet and unsure was abnormal. "I thought we had each other's backs, no matter what."
Everyone remained silent.
Jesse took a deep breath, trying to steady himself before continuing. "But lately, it feels like that bond is slipping away. I miss the days when we faced everything together, shoulder to shoulder, with unwavering support."
"We were a team until some of us started getting careless and putting all of us at risk," Shintaro responded to that, his voice filled with annoyance.
"Sorry guys, but I agree with Jesse. In my opinion, this is not a team. Maybe it never was," Taiga then said. "We're just a random bunch of people struggling to survive."
"Kyomoto, would you just shut up already?"
"Why do you have to speak with a tone like that?"
"Tone? You think the way we talk is the problem here? How about taking a look in the mirror."
"If you're asking for my opinion, I--"
"No-one's interested in your opinion, Jesse."
"Could you all just shut up?"
Suddenly, Kochi stood up and forcefully threw one firewood log into the fire, causing sparks to dance into the night, making the others all go silent and just look at him. The flames flickered and roared momentarily.
"You guys know what? I've had enough of this," Kochi started.
No one said anything to that, so he went on.
"I'm tired of hearing you all arguing like children and telling such cruel things to each other. Count me out and figure it out amongst yourselves. When you've reached an agreement, then maybe come to me."
Without waiting for a response, Kochi stormed off, his footsteps echoing through the dark yard as he went to their lodge and yanked the door open. He grabbed his backpack from the foyer, swiftly threw it over his shoulder, and headed toward the main gates. Passing through the gate door, he didn't look back and disappeared into the dark woods.
"Look what you did now," Taiga said to others accusingly, gesturing in the direction where Kochi had vanished.
Shintaro scoffed. "Oh, don't pin this on us. We weren't the ones throwing fits."
"Come on, guys, let's not make it worse," Juri attempted to diffuse the tension, but he looked stressed as well.
But Taiga had had enough. "Making it worse? Kochi's gone now because of all this pointless quarrel. If any of you cared even a bit, you'd do something about it."
Another silence dropped between them, broken only by the distant rustling of leaves and the dwindling flames. The campfire kept crackling, the fire creating a glow on everyone's uneasy faces.
Jesse shook his head, his brows furrowing in a web of worry.
"We need to pull ourselves together. Kochi left, but we can't fall apart. Let's figure out a plan and—"
But Taiga interrupted him. "Too bad that it's too late already."
"Taiga," Jesse pleaded him. "Please listen."
"No, you listen to me. You know what... screw you all. I've had enough. If you want to waste time talking, waiting, and fighting with each other, go ahead. I'm out. Finding something better won't be hard. Anywhere is better than being stuck with the likes of you."
With those words, Taiga headed toward the gates, disappearing into the darkness just like Kochi had moments before. He didn't even bother taking any of his belongings with him.
"Have fun dying," Shintaro shouted behind his back.
"Enjoy the hellish rest of your pathetic lives," Taiga called over his shoulder to them.
Shintaro, still simmering with resentment, turned to look at the remaining three men and spread his arms in frustration.
"Well, look what you've achieved. Both Kochi and Kyomoto gone. Perfect teamwork, huh?"
"Don't act like you're blameless in all of this, Shintaro," Juri said stiffly. "Your attitude isn't helping either. That wasn't a nice thing to say."
"Please stop, everyone."
Hokuto often preferred to remain in the background during tense moments, and that's what he had been doing all this time. But now he stepped forward with some kind of determination etched on his serious face. He came to stand between Shintaro and Juri.
"We don't need any of this right now," Hokuto continued. "Let's talk this out calmly."
But Juri fired back before anyone could react in any other way.
"Stop acting like a frigging saint, Hokuto. Stay out of this. This doesn't concern you."
Hokuto turned to look at Juri blankly.
"What's your problem all of a sudden?"
"I just find it very interesting that a FEDRA soldier comes to us and starts ordering what to do and what not."
"Enough, Juri," Jesse warned as he concernly looked at Hokuto, who dropped his gaze to the ground.
Hokuto still tried to defuse the situation, his voice quiet yet firm as he continued.
"I'm not here to give orders. I've seen enough conflict. I just want us to get through this together."
"Well, forgive me if I'm not eager to take advice from someone who used to work for the same organization that messed everything up in the first place. Someone who kills people for fun."
"I kill only enemies, not people," Hokuto stated. He gritted his teeth together before the final words slipped out of nowhere. "Or family members."
Juri recoiled, jumping back as if a poisonous snake had just sunk its fangs into him. Then his eyes darkened, fixed on Hokuto. The weight of Hokuto's words hung heavily in the air, but still, Juri's following reaction was unexpected.
Without a moment's hesitation, he swiftly reached for a gun in his pocket, the cold metal finding its place in his grip as he aimed it directly at Hokuto.
Jesse and Shintaro hissed a sharp intake of breath in unison.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Juri, easy now," Jesse exclaimed, raising his hands in a gesture of caution.
Shintaro attempted to approach, trying to put a hand on Juri's shoulder, but Juri forcefully shoved him away.
"Juri, put that damn gun away," Jesse urged Juri, his eyes wide with shock.
Hokuto simply stared back at Juri.
"What, Juri? Are you going to kill me now?" Hokuto asked him calmly, his voice steady.
"You won't say anything like that to me ever again," Juri said lowly, his eyes looking dark as he glared at Hokuto. "You talk about killing enemies. But maybe you are the enemy after all. And I've killed before, you're right. I could pull the trigger now and nothing would be left of you."
"Then do it."
Juri's threatening gaze remained fixed on Hokuto as he kept aiming the gun pipe at him. Until the anger in his eyes slowly transformed a little bit.
After a moment, he reluctantly lowered the gun but didn't tear his gaze away from Hokuto.
"I won't do it," Juri muttered. His tone was still seething with bitterness as he shoved the gun back into his back pocket. "I'm not going to become what I despise."
"Alright, guys, let's just take a step back here," Jesse said, his eyes darting between Juri, Shintaro, and Hokuto. "We've got to figure this out without things turning into a bloodbath."
Hokuto took a deep breath. Now his eyes moved between the tense faces of his teammates.
"I didn't mean for this to escalate," he said calmly. "I just wanted us to understand each other better."
Juri shot him a skeptical glance, his jaw clenched, but he remained silent, allowing Hokuto to continue.
"But if my attempts to make things better only make you see me as an enemy, maybe it's just better that I won't be here to ruin the peace of your community any longer."
With a heavy sigh, Hokuto turned away from the group, his footsteps carrying him into the building. After a brief moment, Hokuto stormed back outside with a bag on his back, and he went into the warehouse. The open door and the dim flashlight in his hand revealed him swiftly grabbing a couple of handguns and an archery bow. Hokuto slung the bow over his shoulder and stuffed the guns into his bag before his steps carried him to the gates, the night eventually swallowing his silhouette.
"He... left," Jesse said as he stared in the direction where Hokuto had disappeared.
"So what? We don't need a stool pigeon in our troop," Juri remarked callously.
"Stool pigeon? Seriously, Juri?" Jesse exclaimed, disappointment in his voice. "You're way out of line."
Juri scoffed, dismissing Jesse's reaction. "We need people who can stick with the team, not someone who bails when things get tough."
"You're heartless," Jesse shot back, his disbelief turning into a bitter realization of the situation. "I don't recognize you."
Juri sighed audibly.
"Man, all this fighting is giving me a headache. Can't we just stop this already and start thinking about what we do now? How to rebuild this?"
Shintaro, however, had reached his breaking point a long ago. "Rebuild? Rebuild what, Juri? A shattered illusion of unity? Nice joke."
"What do you mean?"
"He means that it's over," Jesse explained to Juri. He motioned with his hand, indicating the half-empty space around the campfire. "Kochi's gone, Taiga's gone, Hokuto's gone. Is there anything we can rebuild any longer?"
"I'm done pretending this group means anything," Shintaro simply said as he turned his back to them.
Juri lifted his hands in frustration as he tried to find a way to reason with Shintaro.
"Why are you so mad all of a sudden? Why are you giving up just like that?"
Shintaro, however, was resolute. "I'm not interested in trying. I wasn't the one aiming a gun at my teammate."
Juri flinched, and his expression shifted. He had crossed the line, and he knew it. The defiant glint in his eyes softened into a sudden realization, a flicker of regret playing across his features for a moment. Until it changed back to a firm look, and he narrowed his eyes.
"Fine," Juri finally said. "If this is how it is, I'm done with this group too."
"Fine."
"Fine."
Shintaro steadied his back and turned to Juri. For a moment, he wanted to say something more, plead with Juri not to go, not to leave him as well. But everything that came out of his mouth was just a bitter "I thought you were leaving."
"I am. Don't expect us to meet ever again."
As Juri marched away, Jesse and Shintaro exchanged glances, the moment's gravity settling over them.
Everyone had left. Their group was broken. There was nothing they could fix any longer. It was as over as it could possibly be.
****
Shintaro and Jesse trudged wearily back inside, the battered door creaking as it closed behind them. The flickering light of a lantern barely illuminated the room, creating elongated shadows on the worn-out furniture.
Shintaro looked utterly drained. He turned to Jesse, the last one standing with him.
"Are you going to leave too?" he asked wearily.
Jesse hesitated, and Shintaro could sense the mounting tension. Before Jesse could respond, Shintaro's exhaustion erupted into seething anger. He wasn't in the mood for caring any longer.
"You know what? Just leave then, Jesse. Leave right away. I don't want to drag this out any longer than necessary. Just get the hell out. I don't care about you. Honestly, I don't care about any single one of you."
Jesse, taken aback by Shintaro's sudden reaction, stared at him with hurt and disbelief.
"Shintaro, we can talk about this. You're upset, and I get it. But pushing everyone in this team away won't solve anything."
Shintaro's gaze wavered for a moment, a flicker of regret crossing his mind for a second. Yet, the anger was more tremendous; it remained there, and he couldn't shake it off any longer. He was too sad, too disappointed, too everything.
"A team? Yeah, right. You know what? Teams don't abandon each other like this one did. So, go ahead, Jesse. Leave like them, I know you want to do that. I don't need any of you."
"Shintaro."
"I said leave! I don't need your damn pity or stupid talking. Just go!"
Shintaro's shoulders slumped. He then curled up into a ball on the couch, hugging his knees tightly, and closed his eyes. Maybe it all was just a bad dream.
"Just fucking go, leave me alone," he pleaded.
Shintaro could hear Jesse moving towards the door.
"Fine, Shintaro," Jesse's voice said calmly. "I'll let you be alone. I just want you to know that this group meant something to me. It still does. I seriously hope you see that someday if you can't right now."
Jesse let out a heavy sigh. Then he made his way toward their sleeping area to gather his meager belongings.
Still boiling with frustration, Shintaro kept watching Jesse's every move as Jesse returned to the room, placing his clothes in the middle of the carpet area. As Jesse quietly packed his essentials into a weathered backpack, Shintaro's anger appeared only to intensify, an unrelenting force simmering beneath the surface.
"Hurry up, just leave," Shintaro ordered him, his voice sounding strained. Jesse didn't even bother to utter a glance at Shintaro's direction. Maybe Shintaro had already hurt him too badly.
Once Jesse was done packing, he slung the backpack over his shoulder.
Finally, his eyes met Shintaro's for a fleeting moment.
Shintaro didn't only see the sadness in that look. No, Jesse was disappointed. So crushed and disappointed in empty promises and how everything they once shared had been destroyed in one day. The worst thing was that they had managed to destroy everything by themselves. The threats they had been fearing, from FEDRA to shamblers and stalkers, had been only threats. In the end, the six of them had managed to destroy everything themselves just like that.
As Shintaro stared at Jesse, he couldn't help thinking briefly that maybe there still was a chance. To fix everything that they had broken.
But then, without a word, Jesse turned away and exited through the back door.
As the sound of Jesse's footsteps faded into the distance, Shintaro, unable to bottle up his frustration any longer, stormed outside. The name plaque, engraved with each name of their six-member group, stood prominently at the entrance. Shintaro stared at the plaque, and suddenly, it felt very hard to breathe.
Shintaro tore the plague off with a forceful yank.
The wooden piece clattered to the ground.
Shintaro stared at it, a moment of realization washing over him. The names that had once symbolized unity now lay discarded just like that, abandoned on the cold ground. Shintaro kicked the plaque with the tip of his shoe.
The weight of the loss hit him like a tidal wave. They hadn't been just comrades, he realized. They had been friends. And now he had lost his friends.
His best friends.
His only friends.
No, maybe they had been even more than that. They had been family—the only semblance of a family that a desolate world could ever offer.
*****
Later that night, Shintaro lay alone in his bed. The absence of the other five's presence felt crushing, and in that solitude, Shintaro faced the stark truth.
He had never felt so utterly alone in the world before.
His mind traveled to Jesse. Jesse, who always saw the weird hope in every situation, never giving up. Jesse's relentless positivity was the light in their darkest moments, a spark that refused to be extinguished. Whether facing any threats of the world or any conflicts, Jesse's unwavering positivity acted as a glue, holding them magically together.
Shintaro thought about Kochi. Kochi, a presence that was always there without the need for words—a steady force, someone Shintaro could always rely on. Kochi, with a determination that seemed unyielding, was a source of inspiration for their whole group. In the face of any challenges, Kochi always stood firm, showing a spirit that refused to surrender or give up.
His thoughts shifted to Taiga, and Shintaro's heart tightened as he remembered their last conversation. Despite saying such hurtful things, Shintaro realized that Taiga had never truly been the one causing trouble. Instead, Taiga always stood beside Shintaro and everyone. The memories of their playful bickering came to his mind. Shintaro always felt at ease bantering with Taiga, there was an unspoken understanding between them. He could share anything with Taiga, no matter how small or big, and Taiga accepted him just as he was.
Shintaro thought about Hokuto. Hokuto, the one who paid attention to all the details and small things in others. He had a knack for noticing when someone was in trouble and always made an effort to offer compliments in all situations. As he thought about Hokuto's considerate gestures, Shintaro felt a twinge of regret for not ever thanking his friend, who always was a step ahead of the emotional undercurrents of their collective experience.
Finally, Juri came to Shintaro's mind. Even though their group never had a formal leader, Juri often took charge. He always showed determination and the courage to handle difficult situations when no one else would. Although Juri always kept saying it wasn't natural for him to do so, in the end he was always the brave one to step forward, making even tough decisions if needed. Shintaro grappled with the realization that he had always taken Juri's selflessness, his quiet strength, for granted.
He had taken all five of them for granted.
Shintaro fell asleep, and the dream appeared.
He had been so lonely back then. Those few who believed him had all died, left, or disappeared. His parents. His sister. His brother. Even his dog.
Luckily.
He found himself watching Jesse doing something utterly stupid, something idiotic that was followed by his loud laughter. The infectious joy was soon joined by Hokuto's happy laughter, and those two peals of laughter created a sound that couldn't be beaten. Juri's tired yet amused voice then cut through as he muttered, "...Jesse..." Even though Shintaro could sense Juri's restraint, he could also witness the subtle twitching corners of Juri's lips, revealing his real desire to join the laughter. Then Taiga and Kochi appeared behind Juri, wrapping their arms around him. Their voices would tell Juri not to tilt at windmills, emphasizing the impossibility of the situation by taming someone like Jesse. And then they'd be joining the laughter as well.
For a fleeting moment, Shintaro felt an overwhelming happiness. Feeling so happy that he wasn't even afraid the moment would pass.
But when Shintaro opened his eyes, he realized the laughter and companionship were just part of a dream. In the quiet reality of waking up, he was still alone. The warmth of the dream vanished, leaving him with only a feeling of emptiness.
All five of them had truly left him for good. And all Shintaro could do was blame himself.